That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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