Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
no, he came in my armpit
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
