I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
