I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
