Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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