they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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