You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
