So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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