if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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