It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
just tell him i said nine months
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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