Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
