If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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