Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
