She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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