....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize