I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
