i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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