I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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