Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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