So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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