So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Randomize
