I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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