Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
