Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
