I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
