I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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