i wish there were pregnant emoticons
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
