I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
