you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
