my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
