How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
