You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize