My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
