Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
