dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
