I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
