My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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