what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
