Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I am available for nakedness
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