Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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