I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
