I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
