If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
