You're completely useless in the revolution.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
