Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
