Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
