Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
