i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Randomize