what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
