By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
