It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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