Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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