his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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