Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
