i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
