i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
