There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
