He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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