I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
