i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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