dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
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