How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
