After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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