i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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