k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize