Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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