My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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