I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
