Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
